Awe is a wonderful stress management tool with immediate benefits.…particularly suited for coping with political and climate anxiety. Because many of us—especially the hyper-responsible, big-feeling, perfectionistic types—carry a vague sense that we should be able to fix everything, save everyone, and solve the unsolvable.

Awe lovingly disrupts that illusion…

…“I want to DO something, but what can I actually do?” Below is a list of very real, very actionable answers to the question, “But what can I actually do?”  I’ve organized the items by capacity. As you read through the list, don’t ask: “What should I be doing?”  Rather, ask: “What can I genuinely and consistently offer?”….

It’s hard not to feel panicky right now. The news has been overwhelming….The most understandable impulse is to check out entirely. Stop looking, turn away.

But chronic disengagement only serves those in power. I believe we have a shared responsibility to stay informed and take collective action for the wellbeing of our communities and our country. So how do we shape a sustainable, constructive relationship with the news? How do we keep our eyes open without destroying ourselves?

I'm taking a pause from talking directly about perfectionism to address the tension in the water… Since 2020 (and even earlier), there’s been a thick doomy fog that never quite seems to dissipate. We’ve been collectively soaking in pandemics and politics and climate anxiety, all filtered through social and news media models that profit on anger and panic. How can we keep our eyes and hearts open to hard realities without drowning? And how can we regular folk do anything to help?….

….And when we inevitably fail at these superhuman tasks, we don’t conclude that the expectations were wrong—our brains are primed to conclude that we are. The Judge declares that we’re capable of god-like perfection, and we’re failing.

Or, to put it more simply:

We go through life suspecting that we’re crappy gods
rather than recognizing that we’re incredible animals….

.…For some perfectionists, it feels like their worth lives in their productivity. When they try to rest, they do what one client called “half-assed relaxing”—going through the motions of something fun while feeling guilty the whole time, mentally punishing themselves for it, or clenching their body as if to signal that they know they’re not really allowed to do this. When they’re resting, they feel bad about not working. When they’re working, they feel bad about not having better self-care. And despite all this effort, they often procrastinate the things that matter most to them….

….I suspect that a good chunk of New Years Resolutions are actually an exercise in taking ruthless stock of our flaws and shortcomings, then declaring war on them under the flag of personal growth. As Julia Cameron put it in The Artist's Way, "Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves"….

….One of the most common objections I hear to anti-perfectionism is a fear of stagnation. A fear that if we stop pushing, criticizing, and correcting ourselves, we’ll stop growing—or worse, slide backward into old patterns we worked hard to escape. A lot of us have an immediate ick reaction to the idea of being exactly who we are, right here right now. As is.

Our inner perfectionist hates that idea….

….Perfectionism is not just a cute word for high standards and shiny achievements. It’s not a 4.0 GPA, a tidy house, or an alphabetized bookshelf. It’s not the healthy pursuit of excellence or the honest desire to grow. And it’s not simply the pressure to meet cultural, familial, or religious expectations, though these are important conversations to have….

….I’m a sucker for gatherings, traditions, feasts, twinkle lights, and holiday magic of all kinds. But as a mom, I know the magic doesn't happen spontaneously: it takes a lot of planning and work.

The stress can get overwhelming and make us secretly dread the holidays a little. I think that’s a shame, so I’d like so share these very actionable, very anti-perfectionistic steps to take the holidays back….

….Our appreciation for these things is rooted in the ache we feel when they go away. All good things—sight, relationships, health, good days—are temporary. When they are present, our awareness of their impermanence brightens them as exceptions and as miracles. In other words:

Gratitude is grief before the loss comes.
Grief is gratitude after the loss….

….Here’s what I know after years of sitting with anxious perfectionists, big feelers, overthinkers, and my own stubborn brain—

Genuine gratitude is not compulsory, not performed. It’s wild and trembling. It visits like a bird to a birdfeeder; it doesn’t come when we demand it but when we make space for it to land. With a bit of intention and attention, we can prepare ourselves to be the landing spot. Here are three small, accessible practices to try….

….Listen, I love a good perspective shift. I’ll always cheer for the humble acknowledgement of our gifts and privileges. But I don’t think that’s what we’re doing when we say these things; underneath these ostensibly grateful words, I think the real message is:

“Something here is bothering me, but I feel guilty for having feelings about it.”

What a tidy way to dismiss our own emotions: it’s guilt disguised as gratitude, self-invalidation dressed up as virtue….