Wait—Can We Define Perfectionism?
I’ve been an anti-perfectionism therapist, coach, and educator for 8+ years, and I’ve heard a lot of people ask:
“What does perfectionism really mean?”
“Am I a perfectionist if I’m not very organized?”
“But is perfectionism such a bad thing?”
So I wanted to let you know the definition I’m working with. First, let’s say what it’s not:
Perfectionism is not just a cute word for high standards and shiny achievements. It’s not a 4.0 GPA, a tidy house, or an alphabetized bookshelf. It’s not the healthy pursuit of excellence or the honest desire to grow. And it’s not simply the pressure to meet cultural, familial, or religious expectations, though these are important conversations to have.
If you can pardon the jargon for a second, I define perfectionism as:
A drive toward perfection as a way to secure social, emotional, moral, and existential safety
A largely unconscious belief that one is capable of perfection
A persistent sense of personal and fundamental shortcoming
And a deep sense of pressure or responsibility, often accompanied by guilt or shame, to resolve the impossible tension between how perfect you should be and how human you actually are
That’s a mouthful, so here’s the everyday version:
Perfectionism says that you can—and must—be better than you already are. Or else.
We found this beautiful, imperfect creature at a butterfly sanctuary at the Pacific Science Center in 2023.
If you're a perfectionist, it doesn’t matter if you did terrible in school or got straight A’s, or what your BMI is, or what your personality is like. By default, wherever you’re at falls short. And you’re not going to let yourself rest, or have fun, or think kind thoughts about yourself, or engage fully in your own life until you meet some ambiguous benchmark of “better.”
Thank you for being here, and thank you for being exactly who you are.
© 2025–2026 Summer Hopkins Myers | Already Good
This work is original and protected. Sharing links is welcome; unattributed reproduction and LLM training is not.
